Comments on: Divorcing the Disney Princesses

By: Only in Dreams « Against My Better Judgement

Only in Dreams « Against My Better Judgement — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 10:46:50 +0000

[...] just stuff. The last few years have been hard, and at some low points, I was truly stuck, alone, in a living nightmare. But I wouldn’t change it- it made me stronger, I know who I am, I know what I can take, and [...]

By: OrthoEbonyJewessNJ

OrthoEbonyJewessNJ — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 16:10:07 +0000

Yerushalmit:

I commend your bravery during these trying times. I will continue to daven that someday soon your soon-to-be ex-husband will acquiesce to your demands. It bothers me so that some men believe they have the right to deny a divorce when they never treated their wives like an aches chayil. One would think that it means something when our husbands repeat this to us every Friday night. I guess to some, they are meaningless words. I pray that you will have strength and that this situation will end shortly. B’”H. Please keep us posted as to the outcome.

By: Alieza

Alieza — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 13:26:46 +0000

Yerushalmit- you write beautifully.

In response to kelly- I don’t believe the signs are always there to read, especially for the ugliness that sometimes emerges during divorce.

I think the divorce system itself brings out the worst in some men. The halkhic system (and the Rabbanut in the way they wield it) give the men the power to translate their emotional pain into blackmail and extortion. If there wasn’t this imbalance of power in the system and culture, men might yell or cry or go see a therapist- there are indeed a lot of hard emotions in divorce- but they wouldn’t be able to drag their soon to be ex-wives into their pain at their whim.

By: Superwoman « Against My Better Judgement

Superwoman « Against My Better Judgement — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 06:40:04 +0000

[...] about them here on this fine blog. I want to fit in the other stuff too- the dog, the music, the divorce… OK, well the divorce is the part that I definitely could do without. But when it is over, [...]

By: Elana

Elana — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 17:39:06 +0000

Wow….
Kol hakavod to you for all your strength and courage
You are an inspiration…
Elana

By: yerushalmit

yerushalmit — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 17:14:19 +0000

Thanks for the responses and love and support!
Kelly, you are totally right of course in your reasoning. However, I think it’s important to point out that your comment is exactly the
shaming, blaming attitude that makes women who already have, for whatever reasons, found themselves unhappy. its nice to plan ahead and go to therapy, but life isn’t always an episode of Leave It to Beaver. Sometimes life is more like an episode of Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer. And when you make a mistake, instead of having your face rubbed in what you should have done or what you should have know or noticed, you need support and no judgement. I wrote this article for that woman- for every real, normal woman who needed to read it and didn’t need another guilt trip. If a woman needs to get out of a bad marriage, it won’t matter that she should have seen a sign or gone to therapy or simply dumped the man she loved. It only matters that she does whats best for her. Again, thanks for the contribution- it’s always good to hear that there is hope out there for love and partnership!

By: Kelly

Kelly — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 15:42:03 +0000

It is so sorry and disturbing that you are being treated such. This doesn’t sound like genuine tora treatment, just people’s flaws and biases in a place where the utmost objectivity is required. I hope it cleans itself up.

Regarding the marriage. Maybe this is something you already feel and know. In that case, just to iterate…
Ideally marriage should not be a place where anyone has to swallow their own inner voice. This is a danger signal that perhaps can even be looked at in the dating process and engagement period. One should be able to retain their inner ‘mermaid’, feelings, values, etc, within the marriage. The choice of ‘either you are free and have you’ or ‘you are in a marriage’ shoul never be the polarity through which marriage vs. singlehood are evaluated. Girls may not be taught properly what marriage can be. If marriage is taught in a way where girls are encouraged to maintain and merge their internal voice with the male voice in a healthy way–not stifle–it can be a harmony where the woman’s inner wild child can fuel the relationship with passion, insight, honesty.
If the male in the relationship is not mature enough to engage in that kind of blending, it is best advised to either ensure he will get there before the marriage takes place via coaching, communcation or therapy, or not to enter into it at all with him. It takes two to tango and if you don’t determine that he is a decent enough dance partner, better to choose one that really knows how to boogie.
Recommended: Women who run with the wolves, by Dr. Clarisa Pinkes.

By: Paul

Paul — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 15:36:21 +0000

I’m sure you’ve done your research but in case you’re lost, there are lots and lots of good people out there fighting for women in your situation. The organization Yad L’Isha is just one example. Don’t fight it alone!

By: Jewlicious » Against My Better Judgement

Jewlicious » Against My Better Judgement — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 14:46:18 +0000

[...] check out, in my opinion, her most moving piece – Divorcing the Disney Princesses, published in the Fallopian [...]

By: ascending to where? « Against My Better Judgement

ascending to where? « Against My Better Judgement — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 18:31:12 +0000

[...] dated, I married, I left. This week I unwillingly joined the ranks of women in Israel who are being refused a [...]